Continued From Post On 08/24/19
Part Three
“The warrior learns their ego identity by the parents and society that raise them. The beliefs held in the minds are also learned through different experiences. These perceptions or beliefs determine the feelings held in the heart.”
Men are wired to test limits and push boundaries. It is in our nature. This can be both a good thing and a bad thing. What impacts it most is the examples we see by the role models we are around or watch from a distance that is shaped by a moral foundation. The speaker on the radio show, that led me down this rabbit hole, nailed this point. Fatherless homes and a move away from traditional values have had an impact.
As a kid, my parents wanted unquestioned obedience but I never got the concept of not asking them why. As I understood it, there was only One who deserved that level of obedience. In our house, the Ten Commandments, especially the IV, wasn’t a nice suggestion. They were law. Quite literally most precepts of the common law today can find its roots in Judeo-Christian theology and the acceptance of a higher order or power.
As a growing boy, I tested my parents every chance I got even in the face of getting smacked or grounded more often. If I believed something was unjust, I pushed back much to the chagrin of my sister and brothers who often just wanted me to shut up and deal. My foundation for justice came from the crossroads of my parents and faith. Without that foundation, especially faith, man’s nature can express itself in unwanted ways.
Men are also wired to be protectors and providers of varying sorts. Our physical strength helped to propel these roles. Feelings and emotions were not as highly valued as achievements or accomplishments. This doesn’t mean men didn’t have feelings; they just didn’t take center focus. Warren Farrell goes to great lengths in his book about this. Men, as a sex, tend to be disposable and frankly we accept it. Farrell’s point was profoundly illustrated in using an example which I will paraphrase. Imagine watching the news and the anchor states, “Five soldiers were killed today in Afghanistan from a roadside bomb.” Farrell then asked, as the reader, what sex did you picture in your mind? The news anchor didn’t say. Most of us accept the deaths as being males despite there being women who serve.
From all of this, evidence can be found by whole societies evolving within varying cultures around the globe with this male archetype. In the 1980s, we termed the negative aspects of masculinity as toxic. And, it can be with respect to improper moral guidance and bottled repression of feelings. Today the term is tossed around too frequently and the meaning has expanded to the point that the average man is confused if the enemy is the guy in the mirror with a stable loving family or someone else?
As women challenged the status quo and worked to change their archetypes, men haven’t really evolved theirs. Women’s movements are well-intentioned but not without some negative side effects as the scale became unbalanced when men were left behind. Be it lazy, disinterested, or plain unsure, men have been wandering in this sea of progressive ideologies. We are often attacked for our very nature when being judged as a whole after an individual did a terrible act.
Men have been portrayed as the abusers by talking heads on television, social media feeds, and even overheard conversations of women. We are told about the evils of masculinity or how the world would be a better place- safer and more peaceful- if women ran things or had the “power”. Picked apart, emasculated, and devalued, many men often hold their tongue with deep sadness and disquiet.
Through the scope of negative qualities, grouping all men or even all women into one large general bucket is a disservice to both sexes and individuality. Holding one sex up to a mantle of perfection is unfair and unjust. Men and women both have their good and bad qualities. None of us are perfect. We were built to complement one another whether in union or friendship. In this we are equal but not the same.
Part Four
“Warriors know they make others uncomfortable in times of peace, yet are welcomed in time of conflict”.
On February 3, 2013, my cell phone rang in the early morning. I picked up and my long-time friend Rodney Cox, who was currently active in Special Forces, said in a somber voice, “We lost one of the great ones yesterday.” He went on to explain that Chris Kyle and Chad Littlefield were killed. We later learned the shooter was Eddie Ray Routh who suffered from PTSD. Rodney made it down to the Kyle’s home to pay his respects and attend the funeral services. Like a lot of industry folks, I first met Kyle at the Circle Bar during SHOT Show years before. Warriors like him had nothing to prove. He and Littlefield will not be forgotten.
Recently Piers Morgan scored some points in my book with his interview with Ben Shapiro, Sunday Special Ep. 64. Piers recognized our Snowflake or victimhood culture that has become over the top. In a time where being a victim is somehow a badge of honor, our Warriors are working through it mostly alone. Many of our nation’s veterans are still fighting battles long after their service. War takes a terrible toll and we owe our Warriors more than we give them. Moving past our uncomfortableness and reaching out is where that will change. Chris and Chad died trying to make a difference.
Part Five
“A warrior feels everything everyone else does but chooses to respond differently”
During the #MeToo movement and reports of Hollywood abuse, Terry Crews came out publicly about being sexually assaulted. He was largely made fun of which is a shame. I know from personal experience. Men can be victims of sexual assault too. I was sexually assaulted at the age of 3 by a neighbor’s kid. During my freshmen year of college, a professor made unwanted advances in their office while I was sorting files at a student job. Instead of playing the victim and feeling sorry for myself, I used those experiences and feelings to drive positive results such as being protective of our daughter’s innocence.
To this day, I mourn the loss of a child from a miscarriage. Men don’t get to experience a new life in the way women do. Our bodies are not the vessel in which a new human life and soul is brought forward into the world. There is nothing a man can do that measures up to this incredible ability women have. It is one of the driving forces behind why we are willing to die for them. We wait in anticipation as outsiders ready to give our love. I sensed how such a loss impacted my wife. We mourned together as a couple and in our own separate ways. The experience ended our desire, late in life as it was, to try for more children.
In the quiet of the outdoors, when I am most connected, I have cried to my Creator from the sadness and loss of never being able to hold him or her. This isn’t out of the repression of feelings that only creep out once in a while. Instead, it is out of focus and purpose. I have those feelings every day. Those feelings drive me to love those I have in my life more deeply. And the time spent amongst Creation becomes like a prayer of thankfulness and lifting of burdens to the heavens. My spirituality has grown from my being able to connect with nature.
Closing Thoughts
“All societies and cultures have had warriors throughout the ages. It is one of the oldest archetypes and is within all of us.”
For me and many other men, hunting has reinforced the good in manhood. Principals come to mind such as Aldo Leopold’s quote, “Ethical behavior is doing the right thing when no one else is watching—even when doing the wrong thing is legal.”
Hunting will challenge you. If you are to be successful, it will force you to persevere. Failures will help you hone your skills and make you better. You will learn to focus on the present and be actively engaged through processing and understanding elements of your surroundings, signs, and habitat. You will learn tactics and strategies that are effective across varying terrains. Hunting forces you to be honest with yourself first and with others as a consequence. There is no way to tell a lie when the freezer is empty or the antlers didn’t measure up to the hype. These are all things that encompass a Warrior Spirit.
As a beginning white belt, my daughter’s Taekwondo classes started each session with the recital of the following ten things. These were posted on the back of her attendance card. Even for the non-religious, these rules are ones to live by.
- Be loyal to Your Country, Loyalty, Sir!
- Be Obedient to Your Parents, Obedience, Sir!
- Be Loving to Your Family, Love, Sir!
- Be Cooperative with Others, Cooperation, Sir!
- Be Faithful to Friends, Faith, Sir!
- Be Respectful of Masters, Respect, Sir!
- Be Honest in Personal Affairs, Honestly, Sir!
- Show Concern for Others, Compassion, Sir!
- Never Attack without Reason, Mercy, Sir!
- Finish What You Start, Persistence, Sir!
I am not perfect but I will not give up the fight of being better until my Creator calls me home. Being a husband and a father is what I wanted to be since I was a little kid. The experiences I have had make up a collective of memories to draw upon and learn from but are not in control of how I act. I would not have this view if it were not for a Warrior Spirit. It is within all of us.
The next time you see someone on the street or pass them in the hall at work, remember, we are all fighting battles, most of which are unseen. Think, how is their Warrior Spirit? How is mine? You control how you respond.
- L. Yarbrough, Bucks & Beers
Links on Warrior Spirit:
http://www.aikidofaq.com/essays/warrior_spirit.html
https://www.energyarts.com/living-life-with-the-warrior-spirit/
http://www.chivalrynow.net/articles/warrior.htm
